Ms Naughty Porn for Women Blog
Ms Naughty looks at porn for women, the adult industry and sex in general.
Excuse Me, Penises Aren’t Ugly
Friday, June 17th, 2011
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It’s been in the news for weeks and I thought I’d finally weigh in on the whole Anthony Weiner penis photo drama. Not because of all the glorious jokes that can be made about dicks but because of the above video from The Daily Show.
It’s mostly great. I especially like the point Kristen makes that men who send unsolicited penis photos labour under the misapprehension that more information about their penis will seal the deal with desirable women. Rest assured, fellas, it won’t. Sure, we may be curious about your penis and maybe even want to see it one day. But there’s a time and a place for knowing about it and seeing an uninvited photo on one’s phone isn’t one of them.
What I didn’t like about the above video was this exchange at around 2:30:
Jon Stewart: To be fair though, sometimes women send men risque photos as well.
Kristen: Well, because the female body is beautiful and penises look like a species discovered on the undersea floor living near sulphur jets.
This whole “penises are ugly” thing has been repeated fairly often during the whole affair. And it’s a common trope that women’s bodies are naturally beautiful but men’s bodies are undesirable and unappealing. It’s an idea that reinforces the idea of the male gaze, where men do the looking but are not to be looked at.
I for one would like to speak up for the penis. I think cocks are lovely. They’re a fantastic piece of the human anatomy and we should celebrate them.
And I should know. I’ve been looking at them constantly for ten years. I think in that time I may well have seen at least ten thousand examples of the male member in all shapes and sizes and in all states of being. They all have their own personalities and unique characteristics. And they all look glorious when they’re erect.
I didn’t always think this way. I remember feeling a little squeamish about cocks when I started out. I enjoyed looking at handsome faces, muscles, hairy chests, gorgeous legs and pert butts… but the penis didn’t really thrill me. I may have considered them to be a little ugly to be honest (although, to be fair, I didn’t find female genitals all that appealing either). I was a typical example of my culture at that time; as a woman I wasn’t encouraged to look at men nor was I exposed to male nudity very often. While female nudity was common, the cock remained secret and hidden. Especially images of the hard cock, which were (and are) regularly censored.
What’s changed is sheer exposure. Over the years I got to know the penis and I finally came to appreciate how lovely it is.
I think more and more women will begin to feel the same way, especially now that we have easy access to a plethora of cocks on the internet. It’s time we stopped deriding the male body and started admiring it.
Consensually, of course.
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Penis Spines? No Thanks!
Saturday, March 12th, 2011
Here’s a fun fact for you to bring up next time you’re inebriated and want to raise a strange topic at a dinner party: men don’t have penis spines.
That is to say, the penises of human males differ from our nearest genetic relatives, the chimpanzees, because there are no “tactile” spines or barbs on the end that induce female ovulation and clear out the sperm of other males. Chimps have these spines, as do plenty of other mammals like cats.
Researchers have found that sometime in the last million years, human DNA changed. Parts of it were “deleted” and those parts included the code to make penis spines. According to The Guardian, penis spines speed ejaculation. Losing them “nurtured monogamous couples and paved the way for more complex social structures.”
As a woman, can I just say: thanks, evolution, for deleting the penis spines. I’ve seen cats get stuck together and I really don’t like the mental image that emerges from the thought of human penis spines. Of course, the researchers say the spines are just “tiny, hair-like projections” (quote from Wired) but I’ll pass on them just the same.
By the way, I hope you like the illustration I’ve used for this post (above). It’s a shame that news outlets never use dick photos when discussing dicks. Every news item I’ve seen on this opted for photos of chimps. I did, however, go Googling for images of penis spines (the cat ones are awful) and found this image on a message board discussing the story:
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Cock Colouring Books
Tuesday, March 8th, 2011
Who said that colouring-in was only for kids? It seems that the folks from Big Book Alt Press wanted in on the action and thus they created the Big Coloring Book Of Cocks, the Big Coloring Book of Vaginas and the Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions.
The Cock book offers “30 pages of illustrated cocks with games such as word search, connect the dots, and an ‘all about my cock’ section.
A friend posted on Facebook about the Vagina (it should be vulva!) one. One of the comments was: “Stay in the lines, now out of the lines, now in the lines…” I guess the cock book would require long, sweeping and firm colouring strokes getting progressively harder and harder.
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A Quiet Word About Those Dick Pics
Monday, December 20th, 2010
Now, I love looking at guys and I think penises are lovely. But I do have to agree with the general message of this video: a closeup pic of a cock is not really that appealing by itself. Genitals are much better in context. And if you’re sending said pic over a phone to a girl you don’t know… stop it!
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Enormous Penis
Wednesday, November 17th, 2010
Love this little acapella song by Da Vinci’s Notebook. I can sing every word, though not as beautifully as these guys.
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Does Your Tyre Look Like A… Penis?
Wednesday, September 29th, 2010
Maybe I’ve been in porn too long but I found myself wondering why TyrePlus decided to make this tyre look for all the world like a penis. Because it does. I mean, look at it. You could consider it as a foreshortened cock or perhaps it’s a glans… with tread on it. But it definitely doesn’t look anything like a tyre. Even one that is out of alignment.
The ad appeared on this page today.
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The Dirk Diggler Dick From Boogie Nights Last Scene
Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010
This is a screenshot from the final scene of Boogie Nights, the 1997 film set in the 1970s – the “golden age of porn”. It features Mark Wahlberg as porn star Dirk Diggler, a role loosely based on the life of John Holmes, possibly the world’s most famous woodsman. Throughout the movie, viewers are told all about the huge cock but never actually get to see it. In this last scene, we’re finally given a glimpse of Diggler’s legendary 13 inch penis. Dirk whips it out before a scene, giving himself a pep talk in the mirror.
The cock made the news when it came out, partly because viewers actually got to see a dick in a movie (still rare) and partly because it was fake. The giant rubber dong was made by KNB Effects (who presented Howard Stern with a replica) and was so realistic many still believe Mark Wahlberg really is that well hung.
Turns out that Mark actually kept the prosthesis and was fond of using it for practical jokes.
The actor says he kept the 13in latex appendage he used when he played porn star Dirk Diggler and has only just decided to store it away after previously keeping it to hand to play pranks on his pals.
He explained: “I used to keep it in my desk drawer. And I’d take it out and slap my friends in the face with it. I don’t keep many things from my movies, but that just seemed to have personal significance.” – SMH, via the Times
Alas, Mark is now a devout Catholic and has renounced his penis-slapping ways.
I went looking for video of the final scene and had a hard time finding an uncensored version. I did, however, find this “improved” version which I think is rather hilarious:
“I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.”
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Yes, That Really Is His Cock
Wednesday, October 21st, 2009
Girls, meet Gabriel. He’s very cute and one of my favourite models. I think he looks a little bit like Orlando Bloom.
And yes, that is his humungous penis, it hasn’t been photoshopped on.
You’ll find the full set of pics at For The Girls.
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The Erection Of Adam
Friday, October 2nd, 2009
This is just very funny.
The pic by pyzco came from b3ta’s challenge to Modernise The Bible.
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Penis Art Exhibition Censored
Tuesday, June 9th, 2009
The SMH reports the Venice Biennale have rejected a proposal for an art exhibition featuring symbolic drawings of famous genitals.
Jacques Charlier, a Belgian artist, had wanted to show the visual puns, each with a written clue, inviting viewers to guess who owned what. For example, Christo’s resembled a parcel, with the clue “wraps in very special things”.
The authorities rejected the proposal for fear of offending Venetians and the artists represented.
The artist has used the banning as an opportunity to promote his work, and good on him. Here’s his site which gives details of the 100 Sexes d’Artistes exhibition and the correspondence with the directors of the Biennale. Best of all, you can flick through the entire 100 drawings online! A lot of them are very obscure and unfortunately you don’t get the written hints unless you do the quiz but it’s very amusing nonetheless.
I love the internet. Some asshole in Vienna says people aren’t allowed to see something and naturally we all immediately seek it out. And get access to it without any fucking gatekeepers telling us what’s good for us. And now I get the chance to experience a bit of art I would never have otherwise discovered.
Some of them are good, some are too obscure, and some aren’t that great. I’m glad I got to make up my own mind.
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Why Dicks Look Like… Well, Dicks
Thursday, April 30th, 2009
Scientific American has a wonderful article on the evolutionary biology of the human penis, related in a very humourous fashion by writer Jesse Bering.
A couple of quotes:
Having spent the first five years of my academic life studying great ape social cognition, I’ve seen more simian penises than I care to mention. I once spent a summer with a 450-pound silverback gorilla that was hung like a wasp (great guy, though) and baby-sat a lascivious young orangutan that liked to insert his penis in just about anything with a hole, which unfortunately one day included my ear…
First, despite variation in size between individuals, the erect human penis is especially large compared to that of other primates, measuring on average between five and six inches in length and averaging about five inches in circumference. (Often in this column I’ll relate the science at hand to my own experiences, but perhaps this particular piece is best written without my normally generous use of anecdotes.) Even the most well-endowed chimpanzee, the species that is our closest living relative, doesn’t come anywhere near this.
If you’ve ever wanted to know why dicks look the way they do, this is the place to find out.
It’s also worth reading to discover how researchers made use of store-bought sex toys to prove the “upsuck” theory of sperm displacement. I love that idea, although no doubt it would send some prudes into conniptions about the “waste of taxpayers money”.
Bonus, you also get a recipe for fake semen:
The recipe “consisted of 0.08 cups of sifted, white, unbleached flour mixed with 1.06 cups of water. This mixture was brought to a boil, simmered for 15 minutes while being stirred, and allowed to cool.”
I LOVE science.
Now, are you closely studying the penis photo and identifying the coronal ridge? Good girls!
Thanks to Violet Blue for the link.
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Another “World’s Biggest Penis” Post
Thursday, November 20th, 2008
Nearly three years ago I posted about The World’s Biggest Penis, citing Jonah Falcon as being the man with the biggest dick in the world.
It seems that this post does well with Google for some reason. And today someone asked for a clip from the documentary of the same name. I can’t find one (apart from a million bittorrents which I’m NOT going to recommend) but I did discover this rather amusing little short film offering a mocumentary about the man with the world’s biggest dick. Cute, although I can’t help but wish they’d put something heavy in the fake dick, just to make it a little more believeable.
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Books + Dicks = YAY
Friday, August 8th, 2008I’m up to my neck in reading entries from the short story competition at the moment, not much time for the blog. So here’s a great pic for Friday: A man whose cock can double as a bookshelf.
Via AAG.
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Dolphins Can Be “Sexually Misdirected”
Thursday, July 3rd, 2008
A few months ago I had a wonderful experience when I went swimming with a pod of dolphins in an ocean channel. Since then I’ve discovered it was a bit of a foolish activity as the water was very murky and there could have easily been bull sharks in the canal.
And now I read this article, which says that dolphins have been known to injure people swimming with them. Not only that, but they tend to get sexually confused:
Nearly half of the dolphins in this study had misdirected sexual behaviour towards humans, maritime buoys and anything else floating in the water.
The authors of The Book of Animal Ignorance describe “mis-directed sexual behaviour” very nicely.
“Given that an average male bottlenose weighs 40 stone (about 250 kg, or one quarter of a tonne) and has a foot-long, solid muscle penis that ends in a prehensile hook agile enough to catch an eel, you wouldn’t want to give off the wrong signals.”
Eeek!
You know, all those documentaries that show dolphins being cute and smart never seem to mention the foot long prehensile hooked penis that can catch eels. Even the discussions of homosexual behaviour among dolphins never went into that bit. I wonder why.
This amusing blog post discusses the idea of dolphins molesting humans. It’s also got a fantasy-style illustration of a woman getting it on with a dolphin. Now I know about the hook thing… blergh.
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Ewan McGregor Is Shagged Out + More Male Celebrity Nudity
Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008
I love Ewan McGregor. And it’s not just because of his eagerness to get naked in almost every film he’s been in. He’s also very likeable. Proof: Long Way Round. Damn, that was great TV. Oh, and he was naked in it too.
Anyway, apparently his latest film was too much even for him. He’s told the press he was exhausted after having to repeatedly get nude and simulate sex with a procession of beautiful actresses. His part in Deception is that of a staid accountant who becomes involved in a sex club. Hence the orgy scenes.
I think I want to see it. Actually, I know I want to see it.
Meanwhile, in other shag-laden movie news, it seems Frodo has been getting jiggy with spaghetti. Elijah Wood’s first ever on-film sex scene involves getting nude and being covered in spaghetti. I suspect Samwise will be jealous.
The SMH has been paying attention to male nudity in films today, with a feature article on the way the penis is getting a bit more screen time lately. Especially thanks to comedy filmmaker Judd Apatow who has made it his mission to get the dick onto the big screen as much as possible.
“America fears the penis, and that’s something I’m going to help them get over,” Apatow is quoted as having said in December. “I’m gonna get a penis in every movie I do from now on. It really makes me laugh in this day and age, with how psychotic our world is, that anyone is troubled by seeing any part of the human body.”
Bravo, Judd.
Pic is from here.
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