Ms Naughty Porn for Women Blog

Girls, meet Gabriel. He’s very cute and one of my favourite models. I think he looks a little bit like Orlando Bloom.

And yes, that is his humungous penis, it hasn’t been photoshopped on.

You’ll find the full set of pics at For The Girls.

This is just very funny.

The pic by pyzco came from b3ta’s challenge to Modernise The Bible.

The SMH reports the Venice Biennale have rejected a proposal for an art exhibition featuring symbolic drawings of famous genitals.

Jacques Charlier, a Belgian artist, had wanted to show the visual puns, each with a written clue, inviting viewers to guess who owned what. For example, Christo’s resembled a parcel, with the clue “wraps in very special things”.

The authorities rejected the proposal for fear of offending Venetians and the artists represented.

The artist has used the banning as an opportunity to promote his work, and good on him. Here’s his site which gives details of the 100 Sexes d’Artistes exhibition and the correspondence with the directors of the Biennale. Best of all, you can flick through the entire 100 drawings online! A lot of them are very obscure and unfortunately you don’t get the written hints unless you do the quiz but it’s very amusing nonetheless.

I love the internet. Some asshole in Vienna says people aren’t allowed to see something and naturally we all immediately seek it out. And get access to it without any fucking gatekeepers telling us what’s good for us. And now I get the chance to experience a bit of art I would never have otherwise discovered.

Some of them are good, some are too obscure, and some aren’t that great. I’m glad I got to make up my own mind.

Scientific American has a wonderful article on the evolutionary biology of the human penis, related in a very humourous fashion by writer Jesse Bering.

A couple of quotes:

Having spent the first five years of my academic life studying great ape social cognition, I’ve seen more simian penises than I care to mention. I once spent a summer with a 450-pound silverback gorilla that was hung like a wasp (great guy, though) and baby-sat a lascivious young orangutan that liked to insert his penis in just about anything with a hole, which unfortunately one day included my ear…

First, despite variation in size between individuals, the erect human penis is especially large compared to that of other primates, measuring on average between five and six inches in length and averaging about five inches in circumference. (Often in this column I’ll relate the science at hand to my own experiences, but perhaps this particular piece is best written without my normally generous use of anecdotes.) Even the most well-endowed chimpanzee, the species that is our closest living relative, doesn’t come anywhere near this.

If you’ve ever wanted to know why dicks look the way they do, this is the place to find out.

It’s also worth reading to discover how researchers made use of store-bought sex toys to prove the “upsuck” theory of sperm displacement. I love that idea, although no doubt it would send some prudes into conniptions about the “waste of taxpayers money”.

Bonus, you also get a recipe for fake semen:

The recipe “consisted of 0.08 cups of sifted, white, unbleached flour mixed with 1.06 cups of water. This mixture was brought to a boil, simmered for 15 minutes while being stirred, and allowed to cool.”

I LOVE science.

Now, are you closely studying the penis photo and identifying the coronal ridge? Good girls!

Thanks to Violet Blue for the link.

Nearly three years ago I posted about The World’s Biggest Penis, citing Jonah Falcon as being the man with the biggest dick in the world.

It seems that this post does well with Google for some reason. And today someone asked for a clip from the documentary of the same name. I can’t find one (apart from a million bittorrents which I’m NOT going to recommend) but I did discover this rather amusing little short film offering a mocumentary about the man with the world’s biggest dick. Cute, although I can’t help but wish they’d put something heavy in the fake dick, just to make it a little more believeable.

I’m up to my neck in reading entries from the short story competition at the moment, not much time for the blog. So here’s a great pic for Friday: A man whose cock can double as a bookshelf.

Via AAG.

A few months ago I had a wonderful experience when I went swimming with a pod of dolphins in an ocean channel. Since then I’ve discovered it was a bit of a foolish activity as the water was very murky and there could have easily been bull sharks in the canal.

And now I read this article, which says that dolphins have been known to injure people swimming with them. Not only that, but they tend to get sexually confused:

Nearly half of the dolphins in this study had misdirected sexual behaviour towards humans, maritime buoys and anything else floating in the water.

The authors of The Book of Animal Ignorance describe “mis-directed sexual behaviour” very nicely.

“Given that an average male bottlenose weighs 40 stone (about 250 kg, or one quarter of a tonne) and has a foot-long, solid muscle penis that ends in a prehensile hook agile enough to catch an eel, you wouldn’t want to give off the wrong signals.”

Eeek!

You know, all those documentaries that show dolphins being cute and smart never seem to mention the foot long prehensile hooked penis that can catch eels. Even the discussions of homosexual behaviour among dolphins never went into that bit. I wonder why.

This amusing blog post discusses the idea of dolphins molesting humans. It’s also got a fantasy-style illustration of a woman getting it on with a dolphin. Now I know about the hook thing… blergh.

I love Ewan McGregor. And it’s not just because of his eagerness to get naked in almost every film he’s been in. He’s also very likeable. Proof: Long Way Round. Damn, that was great TV. Oh, and he was naked in it too.

Anyway, apparently his latest film was too much even for him. He’s told the press he was exhausted after having to repeatedly get nude and simulate sex with a procession of beautiful actresses. His part in Deception is that of a staid accountant who becomes involved in a sex club. Hence the orgy scenes.

I think I want to see it. Actually, I know I want to see it.

Meanwhile, in other shag-laden movie news, it seems Frodo has been getting jiggy with spaghetti. Elijah Wood’s first ever on-film sex scene involves getting nude and being covered in spaghetti. I suspect Samwise will be jealous.

The SMH has been paying attention to male nudity in films today, with a feature article on the way the penis is getting a bit more screen time lately. Especially thanks to comedy filmmaker Judd Apatow who has made it his mission to get the dick onto the big screen as much as possible.

“America fears the penis, and that’s something I’m going to help them get over,” Apatow is quoted as having said in December. “I’m gonna get a penis in every movie I do from now on. It really makes me laugh in this day and age, with how psychotic our world is, that anyone is troubled by seeing any part of the human body.”

Bravo, Judd.

Pic is from here.