Ms Naughty Porn for Women Blog

Archive for the ‘Blogging’ Category

On Friday SBS Australia screened a Channel 4 documentary called The Sex Blog Girls which originally aired in the UK in late 2007. The doco primarily looks at the story of The Girl With A One Track Mind, the sex blogger who was notoriously outed by the press in 2006 when her book was released.

I’ve long admired the Girl and have been the grateful recipient of a link from her blog for several years. It was nice to see her in person (on screen at least) and hear her views on the whole subject of sex blogging, even if the documentary itself went overboard with gratuitous tit shots (honestly, do people really believe we sit here and blog in the nude?? They haven’t seen my Grumpy Monkey pyjama pants).

The Girl herself had several gripes with the doco, especially with the way they portrayed her as being the first ever sex blogger.

The whole thing had me musing about my role in the world of blogging about sex. I might write about sex but I’m not actually a “sex blogger” as such because I don’t write about my sex life. I thought I’d take a moment to explain why.

Working in the porn industry means you dwell on the outer fringes of society. There’s always a danger that the fundamentalist Christian next door could discover what you do and promptly report you to police as a pedophile (since they are usually unable to distinguish between normal porn and CP). It would only take one misplaced police raid to fuck up my entire life. Doesn’t matter that what I do is legal or positive or feminist.

This naturally engenders a certain desire for privacy. I use pseudonyms when necessary. My family and friends know what I do but the information is given out on a need-to-know basis.

So here I am working with porn images and movies and erotic fiction on a daily basis. It’s work. I have a real desire to keep my work and my private life a little bit separate, so I don’t really regularly discuss my own bedroom shenanigans, beyond a few vague mentions (or columns at For The Girls).

On top of that, I’m shy. No, don’t laugh. It takes a brave person to discuss the intimate, close-up, painful details of their sex lives for anyone to see and to be honest I just don’t have the guts to go there. My sex life is such a private thing, a thing shared between me and my husband and we just like to keep it that way.

It’s funny that when I tell people that I make porn they often get very personal and reveal things about their own porn preferences or sex lives to me. I might nod and understand, but I don’t reciprocate. I can dole out sex advice and discuss the ins and outs of BDSM or virginity statistics or anal sex without blinking… but I just don’t offer my own anecdotes. I just don’t feel entirely comfortable doing it.

Is this hypocrisy? I don’t know. I’d like to think it’s a matter of creating boundaries for myself. I’m sure that everyone who works in the sex/porn industry encounters this issue; when sex becomes a job, you have to decide where your lines are drawn and stick with them.

Perhaps it’s because my sex life isn’t worthy of headlines anyway. I’m a happily married woman in her 30s. I’ve been on the pill for almost 20 years and my libido has subsequently been nuked. There’s plenty more exciting things going on elsewhere on the net.

I sometimes wondered if I should just make stuff up for salacious fun, maybe to entice a few more readers. But then if I’m going to make stuff up I might as well just write a story for FTG and be done with it. (By the way… check out my story in Best Women’s Erotica 2009).

Nope, Ms Naughty is a blog about porn for women and feminism and news and censorship. It’s not really about my shagadelic adventures so I can’t call myself a sex blogger. If you want to read dirty stuff, check the links on the main page… or visit FTG.

On this day five years ago I wrote my first post of the old Ms Naughty’s Porn For Women Blog. Thus, today is my fifth blogaversary and I thought I’d mark the occasion by revamping the blog design.

The old theme has served me very well but it’s time I finally got with the hip and groovy things and went wider and snazzier. So I’ve now got two columns at the side and I’ve added a tag cloud, among other things. I’m also adding a few new pages and looking to revamp the linklist a little. I have no idea if this will make Google like me again; I suspect it will make no difference. But I’ve had to stop caring about search engine rank with this site and just concentrate on making it useful and readable.

June also marks the 6th birthday of For The Girls. Way back in 2003 Jane and I launched our ambitious little paysite, complete with all the guys we thought were hot and a bunch of my AWF articles.

Now, 6 years later, the site is just chock a block with content, all archived from the previous years. Who’d a thunk that we’d last this long? And we’re not going anywhere. FTG remains as popular as ever and we’re keen to keep it running for as long as women want us.

So here’s cheers to another 6 years.

Just a quick post. Amber Rhea has hosted the latest Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy with a fab post here. It’s chock a blog (yes, that was a typo but I like it so I’ll leave it) full of great posts about the intersection of sex and feminism.

And yes, I’m listed in there too. If you’re after some well written, thought-provoking reading about sex, check it out.

These images are from Wordle, a site that analyses text to see which words are used most often. The first image is made up of my del.icio.us tags. The second one is the result of taking all the posts on the index page (back to 19 May) and seeing what I talked about the most.

I guess there’s not many surprises here.

June is a big month for milestones, it seems. Today marks the fourth anniversary of when I started the Ms Naughty blog. Back then I was using a very simple script and I wasn’t obsessive about writing everyday, but it was a good start.

Four years of writing around five posts a week is a big job. Blogging can really suck up your time, and your life. But it’s a habit now. I’m always looking at news stories, thinking of things I could write about, looking for new porn for women films and sites and news. So I don’t think I’m going to give this up any time soon.

And now I might as well use the occasion to say that I’m thinking of committing a form of blog harikiri, although it’s not going to be fatal (hopefully).

I’m thinking of creating a new Ms Naughty blog on it’s own domain and leaving this one here in its entirety, links, posts and all.

The reason I’m considering doing this is because I’ve worked really hard on this blog for four years and Google doesn’t give a damn. It hates me. My posts are consistently ranked at the end of searches even though what I’ve written is relevant and useful to readers. I can’t get out of this search engine grave yard and it’s pissing me off. This blog page has almost 16,000 links to it but it doesn’t make a lick of difference. And then I discover that plagiarists are ranked above me and it just makes me depressed.

So, an alluring solution is to start again. Continue on with the same blog but do things a little differently. I won’t be madly reciprocal linking just to try and get traffic (I think this is partly why I’ve been screwed over). I only want to link to sites that are relevant and useful. I’m going to set things up to be search engine friendly from the start. And I want to make the blog a better place to find useful information via pages. I guess I want it to be more user-focused, just like Google says pages should be.

Part of me thinks this is an insane idea. In theory I could just tweak this one and see what happens. But I’ve done that already and it does bugger all. And you know what? I rather like the idea of starting all over again.

I did intend to make the swap today but I’m still getting things organised. And I’m still not 100% sure it’s a good idea. But I will probably be moving soon. And, as I said, this blog will remain here as-is, I won’t put a redirect in place. I might even come back and post something occasionally to keep it looking a bit fresh.

Anyway, here’s to four years of blogging.

Yesterday the blogosphere heard about the frustration of blogger Debauchette, who discovered that porn mag Tight had lifted large parts of her writing and passed it off as original.

Today I find I’m in the same boat. Doing a spot of Google rank research for this blog I discovered that some shit site called Radical Left had lifted the entire text of my I Hate The Money Shot article and added the byline “By Max Blunt”. They’ve also lifted a large amount of my post on oring blowjobs and feminist facials.

While they did make a token effort by including a link to the original money short article, I don’t much like having the entire text reposted on another site without my permission and with some plagiarist’s byline added.

When this happens you just feel really angry and violated. And the thing is, it happens all the time on the web. There’s plenty of unscrupulous bloggers out there who have no concept of copyright at all and will happily scrape whatever text content they can find. I’m used to spam blogs stealing my stuff but this looks like deliberate plagiarism by a human being rather than a bot.

The frustrating thing is that this blog has spent far too long languishing at the bottom of Google’s index for some transgression I’ve yet to discover (and believe me, I’ve tried to fix it). And then you discover that your lovely, search-engine friendly, hand-written text has just been lifted and duplicated.

Ms Naughty is NOT a creative commons blog. Call me old fashioned but I figure that if I spend my time creating something then it’s MINE and you can’t just use it unless you pay me. Or at the very least ask.

I’ve left a comment and sent an email. We’ll see what happens next.

Edit: A bit more Google search reveals this post has also been plagiarised here. And to add that extra kick in the teeth, Google ranks it above MY article. DAMMIT. God knows where else it will fucking turn up. Bastards.

Edit Again: Well, it’s not just me. Seems this Ed Strong arsehole just steals everything. This post steals Tristan Taormino’s column about women loving gay male porn.

The blog has just been through the ringer a little, thanks to a spot of spammer hacking and a subsequent upgrade after hours of fucking around.

Anyway, I’m back again, hopefully it will stay up, especially after I put all the padlocks on the doors, nail the windows shut and load up my virtual shotgun.

This weekend Amber Rhea’s Sex 2.0 conference was held in Atlanta, Georgia. It was attended by various blogging luminaries like Dacia and Rachel Kramer Bussell and was a general discussion of feminism, sexuality and the internet. It looked very cool and various posts are appearing about the event as I write.

Thing is, though, I wasn’t there. Once again, living in Australia means that I miss out on all these “real world” conferences and events. I remember being involved in the discussions when Amber first suggested the idea for the conference, and I said I’d like to go, but it’s just not possible thanks to the sheer cost involved in getting there.

Sometimes I feel frustrated that where I live is getting in the way of my career, a bit. I want to network and meet people and it’s just not doable at this stage. Occasionally I’ll muse about the idea of getting my butt over to the US or Europe and maybe even living there a few months to see what I can get out of it but that’s a big thing to contemplate. Australia’s online and adult industry is just so constricted compared to that of America or the UK or Europe. And the thing is, I don’t even live in a large city here so I’m doubly isolated.

I read yesterday that Richard Branson is about to offer seriously cut price fares to the US (they’re currently over $2500) so that may make a difference in the future.

This is more of a rant than anything. In a way it doesn’t make sense that someone who makes her living on the internet should complain of isolation. I guess the thing is that business opportunities and friendships always seem to be stronger when a physical connection occurs – even if you’ve known the person online for years.

One day… one day…

Violet Blue’s SF column this week, Ugly Violet, and her subsequent blog post has really struck a chord with me. She writes about the way comment trolls dismiss women because of their appearance and the body image issues women have in our culture. This is a conversation we need to be having and one I considered writing about a while ago. I must admit, I never got around to doing it, partly due to fear over what comments it might inspire.

I’ve been down that path. A few years ago I wrote a political comment opposing the Iraq war. Online opponents then went at me with an onslaught of abuse, a lot of it purely trolling. Suddenly I was a stupid, ugly skank who should keep her mouth shut.

It had a big effect on me. I couldn’t sleep, going over retorts in my mind. And I didn’t bother writing anything political ever again.

I hate to admit it, but they won. They shut me up. And I still cringe when I see that those comments are still on the web, waiting for someone to read about how I’m so stupid and ugly.

Why does the word “ugly” have such a monstrous effect on women? Why is it one of the worst insults a man can dish out? Why do we, as women, let it hurt us like that?

I’ve seen many sites that smugly list this alleged quote by Winston Churchill:

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.

The comment, apparently, is the very soul of wit and served to put that meddling woman in her place. But when you think about it, calling someone ugly is a very simple, low act that doesn’t require a lot of thought. It essentially involves taking some kind of superior stand and calling down societal judgement on a woman, solely because of her appearance – an aspect over which she has no control and can’t change. Being ugly makes you unworthy of men’s attention, and that is still something that most women want to avoid.

Thus, wielding the “ugly stick” gives a man power at very little cost to himself, and there’s no decent retort available. You can, of course, hit back with some kind of small penis comment, but it does involve lowering yourself to their level.

It’s hard to ignore being called ugly. I still remember the occasions at school when boys said it to me, with no provocation whatsoever. It hurts, and the scars stick with you. You become defensive. You want to fit in. You want to be beautiful. And so the dieting begins, and the make-up, and then, eventually the botox and the plastic surgery.

Unfortunately, judgements made according to appearance go beyond simple insults. They have a big affect on our lives. Studies have shown that being beautiful helps people get jobs and promotions and makes it easier to make friends and fit in socially. People are judged on first impressions all the time, and being attractive is a big bonus.

There’s a million magazine articles about making yourself look good, but our endless striving to be beautiful still means that a dichotomy must always exist. Not everyone is beautiful, especially given our extremely narrow definition of the term in Western society. There will always be “ugly” people, the ones left out in the cold because of their appearance.

Thankfully, there are some people who are rejecting the paradigm of beautiful versus ugly and trying to embrace their “ugliness.” This BBC article talks about an Argentinian author whose “Ugly Pride” movement has taken off in that country. His book Feo (Ugly) is a bestseller.

A blog called Beautiful Ugly encourages people to share their own stories of insecurity and self growth when it comes to how they look.

I’ll say this. I’m not going to win any beauty contests and I don’t care to. Some days I feel ugly and other days I’m a goddess of gorgeousness. A lot of the time I don’t bother with trying to fit in with what society considers to be beautiful because I simply couldn’t be arsed spending the time doing it. I know I have my good physical points and my bad ones. I also know I’m intelligent, sexy, unusual and a lot of fun. The people who love me, do. The ones who don’t can bugger off.

I’m still not immune to verbal abuse. Even though I know better, online comments can still bruise the ego.

In a way, the internet is both a blessing and a curse when it comes to appearance. You don’t have to post photos of yourself. You can be anonymous if you wish, or post photos of someone else and pass them off as yourself. I use a characature to represent Ms Naughty. It’s just easier that way. People like Violet who are brave enough to be “out” face challenges – including threats – that I’m not ready to endure.

There is no obligation to be truthful on the net, just as there is no obligation to be polite or civilized.

Thus, the trolls. As Violet says, the mask of the net gives plenty of people an excuse to indulge in the worst possible behaviour. I’ve actually given up reading comments a lot of the time because things inevitably spiral towards abuse, ignorance or inanity. The blanket democracy of the internet may give us a reason to believe that, deep down, human beings are pathetic.

It’s telling that one of the first comments posted to Violet’s column was an anonymous guy who insisted “But Violet, you are ugly.” As if that made everything she had to say worthless. As if he’d won, somehow.

His stupid, stupid comment has been removed, but it’s the example that proves Violet’s point. The remark is still powerful thanks to its nastiness, but to do anything other than ignore or delete it gives in to that power.

It’s a cliche, but perhaps I need to close with the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:

“No-one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”

I didn’t post anything yesterday and there’s not much to talk about today either. Slow porn for women week, I guess, but my other problem at present is a growing concern that my blogs are taking up too much time.

I’ve got four full-time blogs at the moment (two are for For The Girls) and I’m finding that writing for all of them can really suck up the time. I’ve got a heap of projects that need doing and instead I find myself surfing around, looking for something to post just so I’ve done it for the day.

At the same time, Ms Naughty is such a useful and important site to me, I don’t want to say that I’m not going to post regularly anymore. I do, however, want to say that if I don’t post on one day, it shouldn’t be a problem. I’m probably off doing something more important, like writing erotic fiction or creating a new free smut site for you to enjoy. Or I might be sleeping. And quality posts, not quantity, are what’s good about blogs.

Of course, now I’ve written this there’ll suddenly be a heap of things to post about tomorrow.

It’s been a long time coming but I’m pleased to say that For The Girls now has it’s very own blog.

Actually, that’s not quite true. The members area of FTG has had a blog from the very beginning and I’ve faithfully written in that almost every day. Now, however, we’ve added one that’s accessible to everybody.

It’s got photos of hot guys and sexy couples, usually the most recent pics that have been added. So you can get a better idea of what’s available inside. I’ll also be posting excerpts from our written material including erotic fiction, columns and articles. And once I can get a handle on making flash videos we’ll have a few of those as well.

I’m also planning to do a bit of commentary on it now and then, just to spice things up a bit.

So our new blog is really a way to give people a better idea of what we offer and what you’ll get for your money.

It’s been a bit stressy trying to set it up and I even had to swap it over to a different domain because the RSS feed will create a lot of duplicate content but it’s finally out there and I’m quite proud of it, actually.

Wired’s Regina Lynn has an interview with Audacia Ray about Naked on the Internet here.

I liked this quote:

I did an appearance on the Geraldo at Large show in March. In the interview, they asked, “And how is this dangerous?” at least six different times. That’s a question rooted in crazy technophobia that’s all put off on the internet. My response is that meeting people is dangerous. But what’s the definition of danger? Do you mean is it likely you’ll get ax-murdered or raped? Probably not. But are you going to have a weird experience? Get an STD? Break your heart? Danger on that scale is realistic — but not necessarily tied to the internet.

I’ve been on the net for so long that the idea of it being “dangerous” seems bizarre, yet clearly it’s something that’s real for a lot of people.

“We knew more about each other than most of our friends knew about us.”

This is a quote from Naked On The Internet: Hookups, Downloads and Cashing In On Internet Sexploration. It’s by a sex blogger, talking about how she cultivated friendships with other women online.

As I flicked through Audacia Ray’s new book, the statement rang true for me, because on almost every page I encountered names that I knew, blogs that I read, writers that I’ve worked with. I don’t think I was fully aware of how many people I network with throughout cyberspace.

In the real world, I’m horribly antisocial and I don’t have a huge circle of friends by choice. But online I’ve got social networks stretching out in every direction, and I regularly communicate with people I’ve never met.

So it was kind of weird to have all these people I knew popping up on page after page. And maybe the fact that it’s all in a published book (you mean a real book? with pages and everything?!) makes it seem more substantial and worthy. I may be a woman of the internet, but I’m still biased towards hard copy.

There’s also a lot of familiar stories in there. Women who blog and use the internet to publish have all had similar experiences. Audacia herself talks about learning to love working from home because it mean she didn’t have to wear shoes.

I don’t think you want to know what I’m wearing right now. Suffice to say it’s very unfashionable.

Of course, my familiarity with the webmistresses featured in Audacia’s book is most likely because we move in the same circles and her interviews followed those circles. I may be seen as being part of a clique.

Thing is, I’m not quite part of the group. While I’m mentioned in the book, I don’t actually appear naked on the internet. I’m not “the talent.” I’m not an exhibitionist and, even if I were, I’m fairly certain the world doesn’t want or need to see me without my unfashionable clothes. I’m a writer, and I’m a porn webmistress, but a lot of my personal life is my own. So while I have a lot in common with the other women in this book, I’m operating in a different space.

I also need to comment on one aspect of this book concerning For The Girls.

In Chapter 4, which is entitled I Am Woman, See Me Nude, the book discusses For The Girls with comments from me. Audacia focuses on the fact that most of the visual content at FTG is sourced from existing adult content (in essence, we choose existing videos and pics that we think are hot) and suggests that using porn originally made for men may philosophically clash with our desire to cater to women. FTG is also contrasted with other female webmistresses such as Tasty Trixie who are the stars of their own sites and who create their own pics and movies.

I’ve long held that context is vital when it comes to porn. The basic physical act of sex is always the same, but how it’s presented makes all the difference. The majority of pornographic representations of sex are depicted in a way that prioritises the male viewer and the male experience, and the majority of language used is derogatory toward women (and toward sex).

In 2003 when we started, it was difficult to find depictions of sex that weren’t like that. We didn’t have the cash to make our own, so we just used content we liked (sourced after a lot of careful searching and sifting), and framed it in a positive, female-friendly way. We still do this because it’s cost effective – and it’s still a hassle to find good pics and movies. The majority of it is still male focused and, well, crappy.

So one of the services For The Girls offers is to provide a context and a space for women to enjoy porn, without all the usual bullshit.

Unfortunately the book doesn’t mention FTG’s focus on written content. We’re a magazine as well as a straight smut site and we’re big on articles and stories. A lot of that is exclusive to us and swathes of it is written by me. So I am “the talent” in a sense. Of course, being a writer doesn’t require as much guts (or good looks) as taking off your clothes for public consumption. And in that way, I’m not part of the clique.

I greatly admire the women who run their own sites, because they control their images and make a decent living from it. I work with sex on the internet in a different way and I’m coming from a different perspective. I’m aware that it may be considered less “authentic” than that of so-called “indie” producers, perhaps because it’s more commerical. Nonetheless I would argue that I’m creating my own version of erotica, one that appeals to me, and that For The Girls is a legitimate expression of female sexuality.

If you’re willing to submit yourself to my Australian accent, you can hear me on the Sex City radio show in Toronto on CIUT FM at around 5.30pm this Saturday night.

That’s 7.30am Sunday morning here. I have to say, I think there should be a rule against 7.30am even existing on Sundays. I am SO not a morning person, so I’m not sure how coherent I’ll be.

Still, now you know.

The wonderful Ell runs a very hot, very witty sex blog called Wilful Damage, which has received numerous rave reviews and has many fans. She also Australian, something of a rarity in the sex blog world.

I contacted Ell last year to see if she wanted to be involved in my feature about sex blogging for For The Girls. Unfortunately a combination of Christmas holidays and spam filters meant things went pear shaped and I wasn’t able to include her input before my deadline.

Now, however, I’m pleased be able to feature this interview with Ell here on my blog. If you haven’t visited her blog, I suggest you head over and enjoy her sexy writing and beautiful photos.

What made you decide to start blogging about your sex life?
I like to write, the blog is an extension of that interest. It gave me a reason to approach writing in a more disciplined way but it’s still a light hearted and playful place for me to test out ways of exploring sexuality through words. I like to mix up fiction, random thoughts, passing fancies, snapshots and fantasy into a sort of “box of bon bons” approach to blogging.

Can you sum in a few words what your blog is about?
I mostly muse about pleasure and the connection between sex and sexual pleasure and life. My blog also provides me a venue to showcase and support things I like and enjoy and at times it gives me an avenue to vent some of my vexation surrounding issues like censorship.

Is anonymity important?
I’m not sure exactly where I stand on anonymity at the moment. It’s a pretty thin veil in my case. Writing frankly, without coyness, without revealing all is a challenge – sometimes that frustrates me but sometimes a level of anonymity is liberating. Writing is an exhibitionist activity.

Has your blogging ever interfered with your relationship?
No, not that I can think of. If anything I think it helps my relationship. Writing gives me a sense of completeness that makes me very happy and that happiness feeds into the pleasure of being with my sweetheart. I am blessed with a generous lover who enjoys my sexual appetite.

How do you deal with comments and emails?
When I first started blogging I had my email up, I had no idea about “spiders” trawling for email addresses and ended up with a lot of spam. I also ended up with a couple of readers who wanted to be closer to me than I wanted to be with them.

At the moment, beloved provocateurs and friends have my email and others just ask through my comments if they feel they want to be in contact – it seems to work well enough.

I did have one fellow take me to task in my comments over my penchant for beautiful gay boys. I was a bit hurt by that. I replied to him that his behaviour was akin to coming into my home and telling me he hated the artwork I’d hung on my walls. Which is fine, but it just didn’t seem very gracious. He was apologetic.

I’m always very grateful for comments and I’m thrilled if something I write moves someone in some way, makes them laugh, or turns them on, or causes them to see the pleasure in their own lives more clearly. My readers are very generous and extremely kind with their feedback. I love them for that!

Has sex blogging been good for you? What do you get out of it?
Yes, I’d say that blogging has been good for me. Writing causes me to reflect and sometimes distil a particular event and that clarification process brings its own pleasures. Like developing an “eye” in painting or photography, developing a “writers eye” helps me see more clearly.

Through the net and blogging I’ve met wonderful artists, filmmakers, photographers, pornographers and writers, all delightfully sexual beings. I’ve picked up paid writing and editing work directly out of associations that grew from my blog and I’ve made some good friends.

What are the positives and negative aspects of women blogging about sex?
I think there’s still plenty of public reproach for sexually adventurous women or women who like to show off a little as witnessed by various “outings” of various writers. There have been times when I’ve felt a little too exposed. I guess there is an element of risk in writing about sex, and the notion that your thoughts are forever archived publicly can be a bit disconcerting or stymieing. For those reasons I don’t write or show all that I might but I’m not ashamed of things I write. My little blog is a celebration and in some ways it serves as an affirmation, or confirmation that it is possible to be a wife, a mother, have a professional life and be a sexual person.

* Photo is one of Ell’s Half Nekkid Wednesday pics and one of my favourites. Courtesy of Wilful Damage blog.