Ranch House Lust Review Notes
Last month I reviewed Ranch House Lust for For The Girls and, quite frankly, I gave the film a caning. Here are some of the notes I made while watching the film.
“Well, the opening titles don’t give me much hope… a jackhammer fuck and cumshot montage? Please!”
“OK, enough with the horseriding, get on with it… Ha, the horse is following him. Never work with pornstars or animals.”
“Actually, at least this cunnilingus scene is going for a decent amount of time, even if he can’t pick a spot and lick it consistently. She’s not going to come, it seems. Her leg is straight up in the air, she’s going to get pins and needles.”
“OK, I call time out on the excessive use of the crane camera. It’s just not right to zoom in on her pussy from a height of 10 feet and back up again.”
“My god, this is interminable… it just keeps on going and going in this one position… I’m surprised they’re not sunstruck after all this. Wait… now we’re onto a blowjob… now a handjob… will this man never come?”
“Man drives up in a tractor. This guy drives a tractor as well as the last guy rides a horse. Now this chick’s got a saddle… for the tractor? What the?”
“Now she’s on her back, although I can’t see what she’s lying on because the camera is so focused on him. She’s just a pussy and a pair of legs at this point. I think she’s lying on a sleeping bag covered… crate. Near the tractor wheel. Wait. Why am I writing about this in a porn movie?”
“Scene 3, nice and romantic… Nice cunnilingus scene, he keeps looking up at her which is nice. Nope, now he’s going in for theatrics. For god’s sake man, just keep your tongue on her clit, that’s all that’s required!”
“Now I’ve moved on to 2x the speed, I can’t take anymore. She’s an endless moaner, this one.”
“And we go into jackhammer speed, then he pulls out and cums on her boobs. And now two action replays of it, just in case we missed that all important cumshot. Oh, how nice, he gives her a kiss at the end. To make up for her total lack of orgasm. She’ll just have to finish herself off.”
January 10th, 2007 at 10:04 am
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May 21st, 2007 at 9:47 pm
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