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Songs About Female Masturbation
It's Masturbation Month so naturally, I've decided
it's a good time to list songs about female masturbation.
Interestingly, it seems the best known songs
on the subject are ones that deal with fiddling the bean. Sure, the guys
have had a few well known hits like Dancing With Myself by Billy
Idol, My Ding-a-Ling by Chuck Berry and Pictures of Lily
by The Who, but if you were to ask someone to name a song about masturbation,
it would probably be one from the following list:
She-Bop by Cyndi Lauper
I see 'em every night in tight blue jeans, in the pages of
a blue boy magazine. I've been thinking of a new sensation, I'm picking
up… good vibrations…
This is possibly the best known female masturbation song, and the one
that performed the best in the charts, possibly because Cyndi's accent
masked the mischievous words. I can remember it being one of my favourite
songs in 1985, despite the fact that I was 12 and had absolutely no idea
what the lyrics were about. And I had the lyrics sheet. It's also the
only song that mentions the place of masturbation in religion - "I hope
He will understand." When I did finally discover what the song was about,
I remember a feeling of revelation, and thinking it was exceptionally
cool that a song like that could even have been recorded. So I name it
my all time Number 1 female masturbation song.
I Touch Myself by The Divinyls
I don't want anybody else, when I think about you I touch
myself…
This song is the culmination of Chrissie Amphlett's suspender-wearing
naughty schoolgirl act, and still induces a shiver of naughty frisson
every time I hear it. It was released when I was in my first year of university,
so it became quite the anthem among the horny-as-hell fresher girlies
on my floor at college. No doubt about it, this song is a dead set way
to seduce a guy after you've consumed several bucketfuls of rocket fuel.
I guess that means I've strayed from the masturbation topic a little,
but this Onanistic anthem is also provides a great beat with which to
hump someone's leg. Mike Myers obviously thought so, as he included it
in the first Austin Power's movie.
Icicle by Tori Amos
And when my hand touches myself, I can finally rest my head, And when
they say take of his body, I think I'll take from mine instead…
Tori's masturbation song is about getting yourself off in church. Like
you do. She sings of laying down and while people sing prayers but I find
myself thinking of horrible hard church pews and how church music is just
not very sexy. Still, horses for courses.
Touch of My Hand by Britney Spears
'Cause I just discovered, Imagination's taking over, Another day without
a lover, The more I come to understand, The touch of my hand…
Britney shows she's a woman who's not afraid to indulge in a spot of self-lovin'.
She co-wrote this song, which happily promotes masturbation as a form
of self discovery and declares "It's not a sin." To paraphrase Zaphod
Beeblebrox, this song means Britney gets a ten out of ten for style, even
if she normally scores minus several million just for being Britney.
Darling Nikki by Prince
I knew a girl named Nikki, I guess you could say she was a sex friend,
I met her in a hotel lobby, masturbating with a magazine…
I remember hearing this as a teenager and being shocked. I mean, there's
just no mistaking that word "masturbating" is there? I could happily think
that She Bop was about dancing or something, but there's just no
getting around that M word. The other thing about Darling Nikki
is that it leaves you with such a strong mental image. You can just see
Nikki in the foyer of your local Holiday Inn going hell for leather with
the latest copy of Penthouse. Of course, that's just the intro and the
song is more about Prince's wild night with said Nikki than her going
solo. Still, it's worthy of inclusion just for daring to mention the idea
of public female masturbation.
Toyz by Missy Eliot
You don't get the job done when I need a little loving, So
I gotta do it myself if I wanna feel something… The way it make you feel,
Every girl has a toy now, baby!
Kickass Missy lays it on the line… who needs a man who doesn't know how
to please you when there's a sex toy handy? "How could I miss you baby,
I didn't even know you was gone, It's obvious you aren't needed in the
bedroom anymore." She doesn't beat around the bush, does she? No wait,
sounds like she does…
Vibe On by Danni Minogue
Love it when you do my vibe on, Good vibrations, that's what gets my ride
on, gotta have vibrations…
For me Danni Minogue is kind of like Britney on the likeability front.
Kylie's sister lost all credibility when she had plastic surgery that
made her look like a shop dummy, but at least she's putting a good word
in for Mr Buzzy.
Vibrator by Motorhead
Stick with me and I'll keep you free, From any nasty disease, 'Cos
I'm a Vibrator, Pleased to make a start, Vibrator, with a powerpack for
a heart...
Who'd have thought that Lemmy and the boys from heavy metal band Motorhead
would be so sexually progressive? And even if he's trying to say he's
good in bed ("I knew I was the boy for you, When you came for the
second time...") it's still a great pick up line.
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