Ms Naughty Porn for Women Blog

Archive for March, 2011

ROOM 33 - Director's cut from Erika Lust on Vimeo.

Erika Lust has released the more explicit director’s cut of her short film “Room 33″. It features some yummy boy-boy-girl sexytimes. Enjoy.

Related Posts:

• Cabaret Desire Is Like Visual Erotic Fiction
• New Erika Lust Film: Cabaret Desire
• Room 33 By Erika Lust
• Erika Lust Has Been Very Busy

I’m feeling a little snowed under at the moment. I suspect that the blog is going to be a little neglected for the next few weeks. Here’s why:

We are going to have to build the new member’s area of For The Girls from the ground up.

In November 2009 when we hired the first company to do this, we hoped we could automate the build. We asked them to create a database of the 1200+ text articles inside FTG and transfer it to the new content management system. They didn’t do it. Worse, they lied for 7 months and told us they had done it. They ultimately ripped us off and wasted our time.

Now our new programmer, despite his best efforts, has also been unable to achieve what we wanted. He did manage to import the text but the end result is ultimately unworkable. Titles are weird. Paragraphs and photos are missing. Some text didn’t import properly.

Instead I’m going to have to edit each entry by hand, manually cut and paste every article and then add categories, tags and photos to each article. We’ll also have to hand-tag and add descriptions to every single photo set and movie inside the site.

It’s a HUGE job. It’s going to take a long time. My hands and arms are already worn out. I’m quailing at the enormity of the job.

I’m also kicking myself that we didn’t just do this at the very beginning. It would have been done by now.

Anyway at least we have progress. We’ll get there. Just please be understanding if I’m not around here much.

Related Posts:

• No Related Posts

GPS – 60 seconds long, so very worth watching. It’s like the perfect short film.

This is from an as-yet unmade comedy series called Angry Pinatas. Another 60 seconds, a HUGE laugh. Share it if you can, I want to see this series on our TV!

Related Posts:

• No Related Posts

I just realised that I haven’t actually blogged about the news: my short film Fucking Is The Only Prayer has been nominated for a 2011 Feminist Porn Award. I’m rather chuffed. I suspect it won’t win as it’s only short and there isn’t a short film category. But it’s nice to be listed.

I submitted For The Girls to be considered for a website award but it didn’t make the list. Ah well.

All the nominees are on this page. I haven’t seen many of the nominated films although all the usual names are there. I do recommend Erika Lust’s Life Love Lust and Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide To Female Orgasms.

Fucking Is The Only Prayer recently screened at Cinekink New York and the Painted Lips and Lolly Licks festival in Canada. It is my second erotic short film. My first, That’s What I Like, was also nominated for a Feminist Porn Award. Both are currently available in full at For The Girls.

You can see the trailer and more screenshots here along with information about the film itself.

I’ve made it using the pseudonym Louise Lush but I’m thinking that I might abandon that name and just be Ms Naughty. It will help prevent confusion in the future.

Related Posts:

• Fucking Is The Only Prayer – Trailer
• 2010 Feminist Porn Awards Winners
• Feminist Porn Awards Advance Press
• 2010 Feminist Porn Awards Nominations

The Guardian likes to attract clicks by including articles about porn but often the articles are negative in tone and rely on the arguments of anti-porn feminists like Gail Dines. Thankfully they’ve taken a step in the right direction by offering a story on porn for women and including comments by Erika Lust, Anna Span and Petra Joy. Aside from talking about women’s porn like it’s a new thing, the piece is very positive, if a little limited in scope.

Lust says: “Pornographers are usually middle-aged straight guys, with a similar cultural background. They don’t like it when I say that I make porn for women. They say their porn is for everybody and I am the ‘tight’ one. But I just can’t have an intellectual discussion with them, because they don’t measure up. What I’m doing is criticising the kind of porn they have been making for years and offering an alternative.”

Perhaps more interesting are the 250+ comments underneath. Most claim they don’t know how porn for women would be different to other porn. Plenty trot out the usual arguments that not all women are the same or else they dismiss women’s erotica as all candles and romance. I added my own comment here but it’s impossible to really talk about the issue in any depth as a comment.

Following on from the Guardian, Salon’s Tracy Clark Flory asks Why do we care so much about ‘porn for women’?

I was writing about feminist, female-directed porn back in college for my school newspaper. In the seven or so years since then, far more female directors and feminist production companies have premiered on the scene, but we’re still asking the same fundamental question: What is “porn for women,” exactly? I’m interested in a different question, though: Why is this a perennial subject of debate?
…
Every woman has a different definition of “porn for women” based on her own finicky desires. There might be some common requests — like more kissing, more narrative — but those things are highly subjective.

So Tracy comes to the same conclusion as many others: “porn for women” is a difficult concept to codify. At least she doesn’t go on to completely dismiss the idea because of that.

By the way, the first bit of that paragraph makes me feel fucking old. When I was first building For The Girls over 7 years ago, Tracy was a student. How did that time go so fast?

Related Posts:

• Porn For Women Retrospective 2010
• Her Porn 2 Is Out
• Berlin Porn Film Festival 2009
• Violet Blue On Oprah

Fairy tales, while seemingly innocent, are often rife with sexual imagery and metaphors. The big bad wolf could easily be seen as the corrupter of Little Red Riding Hood’s virginity, for example. For many of us, the fairy tales of our youth may be entangled with our first glimpses of the erotic. For girls, the promise of Prince Charming often lead to speculation about the details of the wedding night.

Thus, we get to fairy tale porn. In theory it should be an exercise in peeking into those dark corners and teasing out the dirty bits hidden within these well-known stories. Unfortunately that’s not often the case; fairytale porn often is the usual porny sex with wigs and corsets added. The whole genre is light-on for titles which is a shame. My guess is that fairy tale porn requires expensive sets and costumes so it’s not made very often.

I had an email asking if there is any female-friendly fairy tale themed porn available. Alas, it seems the pickings are relatively few. I thought I’d list a few here for anyone who’s interested.

Sinderella and Me – The is from Nica Noelle’s Sweet Sinner productions and is the only female-friendly title I could find. Nica’s sex scenes don’t follow the usual porn cliches and she always makes sure the women have an orgasm.

The blurb says: “Take one of the most romantic fables of all time, add raw sex, passion, and explosive orgasms to the classic fairy tale. She can’t live happily ever after without hot sex!”

The Craving – This is a Wicked extravaganza that plays with fairy tales. The sex will be your standard porn variety but it will look amazing.

The blurb: “This big-budget film from acclaimed director Brad Armstrong sets a new standard in adult cinema. With breathtaking visuals, stunning costumes and ground breaking sexual performances, Armstrong skillfully guides us on a journey through the pages of fairy tales, but with a special and perverse twist. The stories may sound familiar, but these tales of what goes bump in the night are a darker, more sinister version. They tell the other side of the story, of what man, woman and beast truly crave as darkness falls. So prepare yourself for The Craving, because something Wicked this way comes. Showcasing the exceptional talent of multiple award winning Wicked contract star jessica drake in one of her most compelling sexual journeys to date, don’t miss what you’ve been Craving.”

Fairy Tale – The giant boobs on the cover are a little distracting and give a hint as to what kind of porn to expect. This is a contemporary story with a mischevous fairy added. Might be fun.

The blurb: “Fairy Tale newlyweds Jack (Eric Masterson) and Jill (Stormy Daniels) move to the suburbs to escape their hectic city life. Unfortunately for them, their new garden is inhabited by a mischievous fairy (Kaylani Lei) who becomes obsessed with the man of the house, threatening to tear the newlyweds apart. As Jill becomes suspicious that something is going on with the house, she turns to her neighbors to get the scoop on the former tenants. It seems that everyone who lives in the house starts behaving strangely. When Jack finally tells Jill the truth, Jill decides to confront the tiny fairy with hilarious results. Will Jack and Jill’s marriage survive? Can they live happily ever after in this Fairy Tale?”

Red Riding Hood – A XXX Parody – Not sure why this qualifies as a parody beyond that it’s fashionable to sell parodies at present. The scene details also reveal that this isn’t a costume-based film, it’s more interested in the story.

The blurb: “We all know her story, or so we thought… What if Red Riding Hood had a naughty side? What if the Wolf was a sleazy, manipulating pervert that preyed upon innocent young girls? Get ready for the XXX version of one of the most epic fairy tales of all time. Red Riding Hood XXX which stars Lexi Belle and was written and directed by Ashlynn Brooke. Young Red is off to visit grandma but Wolf has his eyes set on corrupting the little teen. Once Wolf gets grandma out of the picture, through the help of his sultry assistant, he’s finally able to have Red all to himself. The only catch is that Red is not quite as innocent as she looks.”

Rapunzel – An older costume flick from major studio Vivid.

The blurb: “Dayton lets her hair down! Paul Thomas retells the classic story of a girl, a castle, a prince, and a very happy ending. Go ahead — make a wish upon a star.”

Naughty Fairy Tales – A 2002 film starring Marily Chambers. An IMDB reviewer says the film features lots of slow motion in its sex scenes.

The blurb: “If you liked fairy tales as a child, you’re going to love them even more now because four classic stories have been given a modern re-telling that is strictly for adults. See Pinnochio, Snow White, Cinderella, and Little Red Riding Hood as you’ve never seen or heard them before – with plenty of kinky encounters and erotic action that would make the Brothers Grimm blush. They may be pure and innocent young women in print, but in Naughty Fairy Tales, Cinderella, Snow White and Little Red are brought to life as luscious, hot-blooded beauties craving endless pleasure and sensual satisfaction. And just wait till you see what Pinnochio has up his sleeve. There’s no “moral” to these sexy, uncensored and unbelievable tales – just “immoral!” ”

Aurora Snow’s Perverted Tales – This is an older film, released in 2004 and it’s pretty hardcore.

The blurb: “Sin City exclusive Aurora Snow presents her own unique collection of the nastiest tales ever told…or as only Aurora could tell them. Lie back, relax as Ms. Snow takes you deep inside Never say Never land and introduces you to the wildest bunny in the forest (Flick Shagwell) who just loves to play with Mr. Hunter’s big carrot and stuff it inside the tightest little places Ms. Honey Bunny can find. Next, Lil’ Red Riding Hood (Aurora) gets her little ass devoured and d.p.’d by The Big Bad Wolf and his ever ready nephew. Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, its off to Mr. Clause’s secret apartment for Daphne’s lesson in anal gift giving…from the man himself. Then, deep inside the jungle, we encounter a Cock Wild Tigress (Charlie) whose need for fresh meat is well satisfied by the great White Ass hunter…the bitch is still howlin’. Next, we venture into the nasty realm of the Spider boys who trap a juicy little fly girl (Jasmine Lynn) and proceed to penetrate her nether regions like ass crazed eight legged jackhammers on speed.”

Malice in LaLaland – An alt porn version of both Alice in Wonderland books, rather dark and unusual.

The blurb: “An innovative Miss Lucifer Productions film shot on 35mm. Based on the two books by Lewis Carroll: Alice In Wonderland and Through The Looking Glass, we stay true to a strange world and its even stranger characters. Malice (Sasha Grey) manages to escape from an asylum with the help of Rabbit (Stephen Powers). During her escape from Queenie (Andy San Dimas) and Jabbowski (Dirty Fred), she has the most sexy adventures ever.”

Alice: A Fairy Love Tale – A hardcore look at Alice in Wonderland.

The blurb: “Director Paul Chaplin invites you to look through the looking glass to find Alice (Stacy Saran) a tormented and housebound girl that dreams of escaping her surroundings. Lucky for her, she is transported to a strange land where she meets a set of none-too-bright twins (Kit and Kate Lee), talking cards, a white rabbit and an angry queen. Each encounter provides her with a new sexual understanding, and many new experiences.”

There’s quite a few other Alice in Wonderland-style porn films out there. Check out the list here for alternatives.

Throbbin Hood – I have no idea if this is any good but damn, it’s a good title.

The blurb: “That legendary bandit of adventure is now back in a modern-day setting, San Francisco, and his “fairy” tales are as straight as his arrow, dirtier and bawdier than the most filthy fables. In this city so gay by the bay, he has a job fencing off all the hard-up horny women looking for his kind of lance – a throbbin’, quivering piece of all male-magnetism. So, in between fighting and robbing from the villainous rich, he plunders and pleases the panting pretty poor.”

X Dreams – Another fairy tale compilation. As you can see from the cover, it’s an older movie, released in 1989.

The blurb: “Crystal knows she’s far-gone when she starts having X Dreams…sizzling sexual versions of these fairy tales. There’s a horny edition of “The Princess and the Pea”. Then “Little Red Riding Hood” teams up with a very naughty “Big Bad Wolf”. “Alice” goes to “Wonderland” and gets a lesson in lesbian lust from the “Red Queen”. And if that weren’t enough, “Hansel” and “Gretel” decide to eat each other instead of the gingerbread house! But don’t worry, like any fairy tale, everyone lives happily….er….hotly ever after!”

There’s also a gonzo series called Fetish Fairy Tales which features the giant-boobed Summer Cummings.

Related Posts:

• New Porn For Women Movies
• Cabaret Desire Is Like Visual Erotic Fiction
• “A Real, As Opposed To A Fanciful, Risk Of Harm”
• I Recommend: The Expert Guide To Female Orgasms

Rob, our sexy centerfold at For The Girls, was a good sport. We took some lovely photos of him reclining on a muppet-fur rug (these pics will appear in an upcoming update at FTG). Looking through them I developed the urge to do a bit of photoshopping.

Thus, here he is in a similar pose to the classic Burt Reynolds centerfold photo from Cosmopolitan 1972. He’s not as hairy as Burt but I think he has his own particular charms.

You can see more of Rob inside the member’s area at For The Girls. I’ve also added a short intro video featuring him to our tour.

Related Posts:

• Vote For Rob – Australia’s Hottest Tradie
• Beautiful Man Photos
• Keith Urban Nude And The Sunday Roast
• Retro Centerfolds

Here’s a fun fact for you to bring up next time you’re inebriated and want to raise a strange topic at a dinner party: men don’t have penis spines.

That is to say, the penises of human males differ from our nearest genetic relatives, the chimpanzees, because there are no “tactile” spines or barbs on the end that induce female ovulation and clear out the sperm of other males. Chimps have these spines, as do plenty of other mammals like cats.

Researchers have found that sometime in the last million years, human DNA changed. Parts of it were “deleted” and those parts included the code to make penis spines. According to The Guardian, penis spines speed ejaculation. Losing them “nurtured monogamous couples and paved the way for more complex social structures.”

As a woman, can I just say: thanks, evolution, for deleting the penis spines. I’ve seen cats get stuck together and I really don’t like the mental image that emerges from the thought of human penis spines. Of course, the researchers say the spines are just “tiny, hair-like projections” (quote from Wired) but I’ll pass on them just the same.

By the way, I hope you like the illustration I’ve used for this post (above). It’s a shame that news outlets never use dick photos when discussing dicks. Every news item I’ve seen on this opted for photos of chimps. I did, however, go Googling for images of penis spines (the cat ones are awful) and found this image on a message board discussing the story:

Related Posts:

• Why Dicks Look Like… Well, Dicks
• Excuse Me, Penises Aren’t Ugly
• Cock Colouring Books
• A Quiet Word About Those Dick Pics

Room 33 Erika Lust from boolab on Vimeo.

Here is Room 33, a new sexy movie by Erika Lust (as written about in this post from a few days ago). It just looks luscious.

And what I really admire is the way Erika can tell her story with minimal dialogue or none at all; she’s really good at getting ideas and emotions across through framing, editing and good acting. That’s the wonderful thing: Erika is a very talented filmmaker who has decided that her subject is sex. She has a discerning eye for sets and situations and she shoots with quality equipment like the Canon 5D. She sets a very high bar for the rest of us. I know when I’m planning my next film, I’ll be thinking about how Erika has done hers.

Related Posts:

• Erika Lust Has Been Very Busy
• Berlin Porn Film Festival 2009
• My First Premiere
• How Long Is The Ideal Sex Scene?

Who said that colouring-in was only for kids? It seems that the folks from Big Book Alt Press wanted in on the action and thus they created the Big Coloring Book Of Cocks, the Big Coloring Book of Vaginas and the Big Coloring Book of Sex Positions.

The Cock book offers “30 pages of illustrated cocks with games such as word search, connect the dots, and an ‘all about my cock’ section.

A friend posted on Facebook about the Vagina (it should be vulva!) one. One of the comments was: “Stay in the lines, now out of the lines, now in the lines…” I guess the cock book would require long, sweeping and firm colouring strokes getting progressively harder and harder.

Related Posts:

• Books + Dicks = YAY
• I’m In Best Women’s Erotica 2012
• A Billion Badly Researched Assertions
• Excuse Me, Penises Aren’t Ugly

The SMH is reporting a survey by soap company Dove which asked women what they found attractive in a man. The big winner is a good sense of humour:

“Sixty five per cent of women surveyed said they are turned off by guys seeking physical perfection, with 86 per cent citing vanity as one of the biggest turn-offs in a man.

“Although one in four men view a muscular tanned physique as desirable, women prefer a man with a warm inner glow to hot looks.

“A convincing 99 per cent of women would in fact prefer a funny guy with good manners to the perfect Paragon.”

I have to agree, a guy who makes you laugh is very appealing. Of course, if you’re just out for a perve, this may take a back seat. The other thing about this is it’s a soap company survey so you have to take it with a pinch of.. um, soap.

The comments underneath that article are a whole other can of worms. The first ten of so are from guys vowing that it’s not true, that all women are shallow and self obsessed and will only go for good looking guys. As a later commenter wrote: “It’s good to see that no one here harbours any kind of resentment from rejection.”

This pic is an “outtake” from the photo shoot we did with male stripper Jay a few years ago. As you can see, Jay is a man who knows how to laugh. He’s also hot. One doesn’t preclude the other.

Related Posts:

• In Defence Of Facial Hair
• Where The Hell Is My Prince Charming?
• Women Are Watching More Porn Than Ever
• Shock! Horror! Bold Font! 66% Of Women Watch Porn

The other day I saw an ad for a porn site that I found rather disturbing. It was a looped flash video ad that featured a couple having very rough sex. The woman was “fish hooked” (had a finger in her mouth, dragging her head back at a painful angle), a penis was rubbed roughly on her face, she was choked and slapped. She also didn’t seem to be enjoying herself much; her face was red and she was crying.

I didn’t want to see that. Firstly, I’m not into rough sex. Also I also had no idea of the context of that sex scene. Was it consensual? Did she sign up for that? Did she enjoy it?

The porn company that made the ad obviously thinks this will entice viewers to sign up, either out of curiosity or genuine desire. I’ve seen other rough ones like it, including one where it was a woman administering the rough sex to another women. I don’t promote that company, by the way, or any porn site that includes that kind of content.

This is the exactly the kind of extreme porn that Gail Dines discusses in her book Pornland. She says that almost all porn is like this and that it is having a negative effect on men’s sexuality.

The thing is, while there are plenty of problems with Dines’ generalisations and theory, I don’t want to dismiss her concerns with this kind of content. It seems reasonable to be asking questions about bad porn and extreme porn. We should be talking about what it means and how it effects us. I know that my initial reaction to that ad was pretty visceral. I can imagine that a lot of people might find it very disturbing or problematic.

I’ve seen my fair share of what I consider to be bad porn. Stuff that is overtly sexist and cruel, porn that appeals more to negative emotions and hatred than actual sexual desire (take for example the “ex-girlfriend” style sites. Or the ones where the scenarios are primarily about tricking someone into sex and not paying them). There’s porn out there that doesn’t look like it was consensual or ethically created. My stance has always been that I don’t like it and I won’t promote it – but I would never agree with it being censored. I’ve also had numerous online discussions with other adult webmasters about whether sites stepped over the line or not.

A few years back a company produced a website called “Sleep Assault.” The premise was that is showed night-vision movies of guys sneaking in and having sex with sleeping women – either strangers or friends/wives. A big argument about it started up on a webmaster board. The owners said it was merely a fantasy site and that, naturally, all the situations were staged. Others said that it was too close to a rape site and that the language was too negative. There was much discussion over whether the site was encouraging sexual assault or was just an outlet for fantasy. In the end the owners changed the wording of the tour to better emphasise that it was a fantasy and we all went our separate ways.

Extreme porn like this isn’t new although perhaps it’s now more widespread than before (this somewhat problematic research seems to suggest it). This is part of the overall one-upmanship occurring in the porn industry over the last decade, the desperate scramble to attract attention through increasingly more over-the-top porn. It’s also the result of consumers demanding more extreme stuff; perhaps natural human curiosity combines with regular porn consumption to create an urge for “the hard stuff”.

Gail Dines is concerned that extreme porn is so ubiquitous than it’s now considered “normal” and that it teaches young men the wrong lessons about how to have sex and how to treat women. I think I share that concern; I hate the idea that a virgin might see that ad and think it’s how sex is “done” or get so used to it that any partner who isn’t into rough sex doesn’t stand a chance. I can imagine that a young woman might see those images of rough sex and feel alarmed at the idea of being on the receiving end of that. It’s pretty easy to spin out scenarios about how porn might negatively affect others.

So yes, I do share these concerns. Nonetheless, I try and think beyond the immediate worries that pop up and analyse if they’re legitimate. Right now, I have no idea if the anecdotal stories of ruined marriages, lost libidos and confused virgins are true. There’s still not a lot of reliable research on it – although it doesn’t take much effort to find unscientific or religious anti-porn studies on the web. But from what I’ve seen, there’s no real data to back up the concerns about harm. If this changes, I’ll change my mind.

What’s often common in discussions about extreme porn is the idea that the viewer doesn’t think critically about what they are seeing. It’s assumed the viewer just passively watches it and then unthinkingly apes the attitudes and behaviour on show. Naturally, the person who writes about porn doesn’t do that; the concern is only ever for other people, the ignorant masses who dully consume or the innocent teenagers who accidentally encounter porn.

Is that what really happens? On my more misanthropic days (say, after reading the comments on Youtube), I suspect it does. But that’s just an opinion. The facts may show otherwise. Again, we need more research on this. I have found at least one study that has found that people do interact with porn in a far more “literate and critical” way than is assumed. Obviously that’s not conclusive though I’m sure there are other similar studies.

Two key factors in approaching porn in a critical manner are an understanding the context combined with a reasonable knowledge about sex and sexuality.

When it comes to extreme porn, it really does help to know the context in which its presented. The sex acts themselves aren’t the issue. Plenty of people enjoy rough sex or BDSM or water bondage or whatever kink it is. There’s nothing wrong with that.

The problem occurs when no context for the extreme sex acts is provided – there’s no indication that it’s a fantasy, no way of knowing if the performers were willing participants or if they enjoyed themselves. This is bad porn. If you don’t know that rough sex (for example) is a kink performed consensually, you might form the wrong idea about what it all means and it may negatively affect your sexual attitudes. I recommend Charlie Glickman’s discussion of bad porn for a further elaboration on this point.

I’ll say up front, I dislike extreme porn, particularly the nasty sexist hateful stuff. If a site is showing cruel-looking hate sex and presenting it as the ideal way to treat women, I obviously don’t want the viewer to agree with that on a philosophical level. I can’t help but feel that there IS something disturbing about the idea of people getting off on hateful, misogynistic or cruel stuff. I find it worrying that masturbating and sexual pleasure would be tied to such negativity.*

And yet the human mind is a crazy place and a fantasy is often just a fantasy. I don’t know what the people who watch that stuff are really thinking. I hope it’s just a fantasy.

So yes, I worry about extreme porn. I worry about what bad porn says about attitudes to women and sex. There’s a lot of porn I find offputting and unsexy and generally problematic. In the end, though, I think the only logical stance to take with regards to it is to talk about it and to encourage people to think critically about it.

As usual, education is so important. The concerns about teens and extreme porn are quite reasonable. Teenagers don’t always have the basics in reading texts (in this case porn) and sex education is sadly lacking in some places (especially the US where the religious right is doing its best to keep them ignorant).

I think the days of being able to restrict access to porn are long gone – if it was ever successful in the first place. The only reasonable remedy to the possible problems caused by misreading porn are pre-emptive education. Honest discussion about porn’s place in society and encouraging critical thinking as to what it all means. Parents aren’t always the best people to do this because, frankly, talking about porn with teenagers is not fun.

In this, the internet is like beer (the solution to – and cause of – all of life’s problems). The net provides the opportunity for teens to talk to each other and easily find information about porn. Many sex education sites are doing their best to get the issue out in the open and discuss what it all means – Make Love Not Porn and British site Bish Training are good examples.

Meanwhile, the anti-porn crusade continues. I guess we should be grateful they’re out there because they encourage the discussion of topics like this. Unfortunately they also encourage a debate that becomes too simplistic and too unscientific, one influenced by negative assumptions about sexuality and religious agendas. They also encourage censorship, which is ultimately a non-solution.

Porn isn’t perfect; there’s a lot out there that we should be concerned about. Yet there’s also plenty that’s positive and meaningful and worth celebrating. In the end, the best thing we can do is to keep talking about it.
—–

Update 5th March
I want to add something to this post following a reply tweet I received about it. Batcheeba wrote:” “worrying and disturbing” I’d say that is just a liberal way of judging ppl into stuff you’re not.”

I don’t think Batcheeba actually read the post, only my tweet, but I’m going to elaborate on this here.

I tried my best not to be judgmental about sex acts or sexual preferences in this post and I think Charlie Glickman’s post really spells out why it’s important not to approach extreme porn from that perspective.

Nonetheless I don’t think being sex positive and tolerant should mean that I blithely accept that all porn is fine. What I am worried about is the way some porn sites and movies deliberately tie cruelty and misogyny and hate into those sex acts. Not as part of the kink but as part of a general sexist philosophy; this kind of porn is speaking to anger and hatred and negativity, not desire or kink or preference.

And even then, I acknowledge that that negativity may just be someone’s fantasy. But damn… surely we should be able to ask: what the hell is going on if you need hatred to get off? And what happens if you think that hatred is par for the course?

Those questions and worries are shared by a lot of people. I don’t think it’s helpful to simply dismiss them as being “closed minded” or “judgmental” because all you do is turn it into a “them versus us” thing.

I wrote this post because I keep seeing the anti-porn people using extreme porn as a basis of their argument. And those of us who don’t agree with them often end up having to defend bad porn in order to maintain our own position. I don’t like that dichotomy. It’s not an honest presentation of the whole issue and it doesn’t go anywhere.

I don’t want to defend bad porn. I wanted to say that I understand why people get worried and concerned about extreme porn. And I wanted to say I think education is the answer to those concerns.

* Let me say again… I’m not talking about consensual bdsm or power play here.

Edit: Please read the comments below for more discussion about this issue. I am aware that the original post is a bit murky with definitions and could have been better written. I’ve opted to leave the post as it stands so that the comments make sense and also because it helps with the general discussion.

Related Posts:

• A Need For Privacy Makes This “Debate” One-Sided
• Anti-Porn Feminists Can’t Acknowledge Feminist Porn
• Gail Dines On Lady Porn Day

Am I queer?

It’s probably a ridiculous question to which the answer is, simply, no. And yet I’ve been wanting to write about this since the Erotics conference 2 weeks ago because I found myself sitting there wondering if I was queer. Simply asking the question raises more questions about the concept of “queer” and how it’s applied.

At the conference I was surrounded by a lot of people who identified as queer and there was a lot of discussion about queer issues, queer gazes and queer politics. There was also a lot of talk about heteronormativies, monogamy and cultural expectations.

What does it mean to be queer, exactly?

In the commonly understood sense, it means homosexual – gay or lesbian. The term has also been used to include transgender, bisexual and polysexual people and, ultimately, anyone whose gender or sexuality doesn’t fit into an easily defined box.

In theory, being queer means anything other than heterosexual and cisgender (i.e. identifying with the sex/gender assigned at birth).

But wait. I’ve been reading things that suggests the word “queer” also encompasses attraction and ways of seeing, not just identity and behaviour. So if you’re a woman who finds Lady GaGa or Madonna rather hot, that could be described as queer, at least by some.

And given that the Kinsey scale sees an awful lot of people having at least some feeling of attraction toward their own sex/gender, suddenly “queer” is rather a broad term indeed.

At the conference I also picked up the vibe that engaging in kinky or non-monogamous or non “heteronormative” behaviour could also be considered queer.

That expands the term again. Suddenly, half the population is queer.

Still, it’s not me, right? I’m definitely on the outside of this particular party.

And yet, I don’t quite fit into the straitjacket prepared for me.

Yes, I’m a monogamous, married, heterosexual, fairly vanilla woman. I choose to be this way. I don’t swing or do kink or have sex with other women because I’ve made a conscious choice not to do so, based on a knowledge of myself. That’s not to say that I’m NOT attracted to other women or don’t find the idea of kink or swinging to be appealing. It’s just that I put my relationship first and I do that through monogamy. It just works for me and my husband.

A lot of the negativity I was hearing about monogamy and marriage is based on the assumption that it’s an unthinking state, that those who get married are simply following a cultural script and repress their real desires and thus end up missing out on a wider world.

I don’t doubt that a lot of people do just that. Marriage and monogamy and family are the yardstick by which society likes to measure sex and relationships and there’s no doubt that people slot themselves into that life without questioning it, often with negative results. But that’s not always the case. Monogamy is not for everyone… but some of us do willingly and happily choose it.

At the conference I got the vibe that part of being queer is essentially the idea of rejecting the white picket fence and embracing the diversity of human sexuality. Dare I say it, there was a certain sense of superiority behind this, as though being queer was a more authentic or more emotionally honest state of being.

I find myself sitting on that white picket fence.

I live a very strange life. I make porn. I meet and talk with a lot of people who are queer or kinky or swingers or polyamorous or trans or porn stars. Almost everyone in my professional life doesn’t fit into that little box called “heteronormative”… except for me, apparently.

And yet beyond the sphere of porn and sex blogging, I don’t fit in. I am child-free, I have no “real” job. I’m an atheist. I don’t wear make up or care about fashion and I’m not good at conforming with the “feminine” idea of being female. I have an extensive knowledge of sex and all things sexual and tend to forget not to talk about these things in “nice” company. I write dirty stories and edit dirty movies and I go off and make porn films or take photos of naked men occasionally. I have rather varied tastes in porn – I find all sorts of things sexy – and none. To my family and friends, I’m rather strange.

I don’t really consider myself “normal”. And yet, within the porny kinky sphere, I’m boringly “normal”. There doesn’t seem to be a space or a community where I do fit in.

To use a concrete example: I’d love to be able to take part in the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras this weekend because it’s a public celebration of sexuality and I feel very much aligned with the politics involved. (I’d also love to get dressed up in spangles and be an over-the-top drag queen.) Nonetheless, I’m not queer, I don’t self-identify as such and I’m not accepted by the queer community so I can only be a supporter on the sidelines.

Last week Imogen, commenting on this post, said:

As a hypersexual straight woman, I’m bloody jealous of the queer community and I wish I *could* belong to it. Highly sexual straight women don’t fit in to mainstream sexual culture or the queer subculture, we don’t have our own community.

Imogen’s comment is spot on and it made me realise why I started asking myself if I was queer. I too am jealous. I’m not invited to the queer party but there isn’t an equivalent straight shindig going on next door. On the straight side of the equation sex is reduced to Cosmopolitan and porn, commercialised ideals of beauty and religious “morals” systems. There’s no straight mardi gras because parading down the street celebrating straight sexuality is always reduced to a “boobs on bikes” parade – and immediate concern for “the children.”

Part of being queer is rejecting that kind of sexual culture.

Is there room in “queer” for people like me and Imogen? Or is there some other subculture that we can belong to – or create?

And, more importantly, is there some way I can parade down the street in a ridiculous spangly bikini on a float shaped like a penis yelling “Orgasms for everyone?” without getting arrested?

Related Posts:

• An Interview With Jiz Lee
• By The Way, There Were Straight Films At The Feminist Porn Awards
• The Lesbians Are Making The Porn Of The Future