October
2006
Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women Review Notes - Part 2
Here’s some more of my mid-viewing written comments about this movie:
“Tristan assists with lube like some perverted midwife.”
“Now she’s humping a crimson double dildo that has the look of an alien about it. As if someone’s taken a chest burster and stuffed it in both orifices. Ew, what a horrible thought. Chandler gets extremely high pitched when she comes.”
“I hate that noise, that ftthffftthsss breathing through your teeth and tongue noise that’s supposed to be sexy, it just sounds fake when it’s constant.”
“Shit, now she’s upside down under the table, piledriver position. That just looks uncomfortable. Get that woman a pillow for god’s sake. Giant dildo, vibrator use. How can anyone really have an orgasm in that position??? Wait, now she’s arching her back, looks more like it. Still with the shoes on, though, she’ll have someone’s eye out.”
“A quick interview and then we’re getting Inari out of her plastic pants. Like you do. Wait… the shoes are coming off. I BET they put them back on. Wait for it… wait for it… Yep. Damn.”
“Why the spitting? That’s why there’s lube, idiots. And all that annoying butt cheek slapping and clit slapping. This scene has too many porny cliches.”
“Now it’s Jewel’s turn for bum play, she takes eight fingers straight away…. That’s a loose bum. Fisting in ass and pussy. This has a bizarre curiosity factor to it, I’m wondering what pieces of furniture they’re planning to stick in there.”
‘Now the orgy scene… it’s all a bit of a pile-up, really. Nice to see so much vibrator use.”
“Tristan is really pale… and doesn’t have an ounce of fat on her. And she moans like a lost puppy.”
Aside to Buttman: Hey, Chloe’s coming, are you going to film that?
Buttman: (Dismissive) It’s fine, she’ll come again soon enough.
“I wonder, what kind of a home movie is this? Will Tristan take it home to watch later… it must be like having your own personal porn movie, featuring YOU.”
Watch the Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex for Women here.
[...] Film Reviews This year I reviewed one porn movie a month for For The Girls. My favourites would have to be: Damon and Hunter Eyes of Desire City of Flesh 3 By far the worst was Ranch House Lust. God, there’s 90 minutes of my life that I want back. I was also pretty disappointed with the Playgirl movies, mainly because they still offer formulaic sex and don’t feature female orgasms. Perhaps the hottest film I watched was the Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex for Women, but it doesn’t make my “best” list thanks to the annoying presence of John Stagliano behind the camera. [...]